Monday, April 15th, 2019. It's 10am in the conference room of the Bedford Lodge Hotel in Newmarket where a well spoken well dressed lady, tablet in hand, walks on to the stage and makes a brief address to a small audience of journalists, two TV crews, and a bunch of onlookers from the local community.
"Good morning", she says." I will quickly run through the itinerary. Mr Gosden will be on shortly. He will discuss his sole runner at Windsor today, run through his plans for the Craven meeting, then finally give an updated bulletin and latest plans for the big names in the yard."
''After he's concluded you will be allowed to ask questions but we must be finished for twenty-five past. William Haggas will follow at 10.30, Sir Mark Prescott shortly after, though he 's already told me not much will be happening from his yard in the next couple of weeks; Michael Stoute will follow at 11am, then between 11.30 and noon, Hugo Palmer and Robert Cowell will give short briefs, followed by Roger Varian between noon and 12.30."
"There is a correction I need to make to the handouts which I left on your seats. At 1pm following the short recess, an as yet unnamed Godolphin representative will give a statement, and not as stated Charlie Appleby. Though I have it in good faith that Mr Appleby will appear himself at next week's conference."
John Gosden, casually dressed and sporting a Juddmonte baseball cap with 'Kingman' emblazoned across the top, takes a seat at the table on the stage, there are a couple of camera flashes. He nods to acknowledge someone in the front row.
Then, bearing a grimace he opens with a quip about an article written in the racing section of a regional newspaper then proceeds to offer thoughts on the handful of runners from the yard in the past week, going into some details about those that ran at the Newbury Greenham meeting, expressing that he is satisfied with the health of the yard despite not having had a winner since the 5th April at Leicester, then goes on to detail the fast pieces of work some of his showcase performers have had.
"I was pleased how Too Darn Hot quickened up to finish upside his lead horse on the Long Hill Polytrack on Saturday morning, he'll go to the Guineas without a prep but I am happy with him and he will not be wanting on the fitness side come the day - though I might add he's got a whole season of targets ahead of him if fingers crossed all goes well."
After revealing his plans and hopes for all of his runners at the Craven meeting, the open questions start.
"Sorry John, is it me being dozy or was it the intention not to give an update on Calyx in the bulletin. Last Monday you, to use your own words, 'guaranteed' that the negative rumors surrounding his well being were unfounded and that he would appear in the Greenham. Now, he's out until the Autumn,... I wanted to ask when will the horse's retirement announcement come? "
Silence bar a few sighs in the room. Gosden casts a contemptuous look at the reporter who resembles a young Milton Johns, and asks, "Are you insinuating that I would lie and confirm him a certain runner at Newbury knowing full well that he had already sustained another injury? What would be the point of that ? Maybe you should go back to the Cambridge Evening News reporting on the local rock band scene or whatever you did."
The atmosphere has turned sour. Gosden rises quickly to his feet, makes an inaudible comment in the direction of the compere, muttering something about the thanks he gets when trying to be helpful, then calls the offending reporter a ' nauseating dude,' before storming off through a side door to gasps, laughs and a wolf whistle from an unknown at the back of the room, the compere coming on stage appealing for the assemble to 'grow up.'
Of course, this is all fantasy, but if those who think that change is the way forward to keep racing on the tail of the other thriving sports that don't rely on betting levy for their survival, then such a press conference merry go round should be considered.
It's something that works well in the hyped world of Premiership Football, with all the managers throwing those Friday press conferences. It drums home the importance of each coming weekend. The conferences are discussed in workplaces, with excerpts played on smart phones when something amusing has occurred.
Managers will lose their tempers and storm out, sometimes these conferences just turn into a farce - like when Jurgen Klopp faced questions before Liverpool's match in Russia last season when he had to explain to a female Russain journalist that Quincy Promes was a Spartak Moscow player, and even took a pen and spelled the name for her.
A similar occurrence could happen in racing, if for example, a representative of a local newspaper attended whose racing knowledge was found wanting.
It's baffling that many equate modernisation with simplifying. There is no evidence whatsoever that attempts at this have had any benefit. But weekly press conferences that are broadcast live on SIS and the specialist racing channels, and available to watch on the ITV racing website, with racing talk language used. It might just be an avenue worth exploring. Interesting titbits would be shown on Sky Sports News.
Monday morning would be ideal. Every Monday morning throughout the turf Flat season for the flat trainers, then the beginning of November through to the end of April for the National Hunt trainers.
They would be spread out across the country. For the flat they would occur in Newmarket, Lambourn,( or changing locations within the Swindon, Oxford, Reading triangle) and Middleham or Malton, which could alternate. For the jumps, Lambourn, a West Country location and Malton.
Of course, some trainers would be told that attendance was not compulsory. Where would Dan Skelton go ? And what about Donald McCain Junior and Lucinda Russell ? And that small pocket of trainers in the Welsh Valleys?
And just like in football where Premiership managers have the longest lasting and most frequent conferences, in racing the trainers at the top would be expected to be in the seat for up to thirty minuites. Similarly, as when a small team goes deep into a cup competition and the manager gives a full press brief, a Mark Tompkins, John Berry or George Margarson would only be expected to appear when they have a horse of significance in their care who is due to run, even a fancied one for one of the showcase handicaps.
It would relay the message to those who just watch the odd race from time to time that the Dubawi colt running in the Wood Ditton whose been backed for the Derby is something to generate far more interest than the photo finish to the 0-55 handicap on the sand at Southwell, that Sky Sports News have been showing on their loop.
It will leave many feeling the need to satisfy their curiosity. They may wonder why so many are interested in some horse running in a race called the Geoffrey Barling. They catch part of a sentence and wonder what the hell the trainer means when he says, " like most Invincible Spirits ". They might as well be talking in Spanish but by God, they need to find out more about this crazy world.
Some trainers would be more willing participants than others. You would expect those with a progressive profile to be ultra keen. And in the spirit of out of flavor pop stars cynically using charity events, those who are beginning to wilt may just see it as an opportunity to talk themselves back into the mix of prospective patron's minds
It must, of course, be compulsory and subject to action by the BHA disciplinary committee for failing to show. Is it really that much harsher than trainers being fined when their horses enter the paddock late? A representative would be allowed to appear providing that the excuses given were valid.
If the sport is not going to capitalise on a history richly unique when put aside the histories of the contemporary major tier sports, it should at least try and bring in the world of the press conference jamboree that serves those other sports so well.
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